All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
