During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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