I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
