i don't plan on having that self control this summer
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
