You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
