Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
