You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
