oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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