Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
