So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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