I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
