So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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