oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Less talking, more tequila
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
