Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
