She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
