well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
