I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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