I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
