Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
