Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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