if only i could text you this smell
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
