wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
