I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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