i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
even my farts smell like vagina
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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