Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
