so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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