Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
