I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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