I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
