I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
