trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
