if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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