i just google imaged poop.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
