I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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