Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
