BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
