yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
