I'm really into asian looking animals
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
