I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
