There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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