It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
