what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
