If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
