Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
