Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you had me at cake vodka
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
