The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
