just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
