I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
