i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
