i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
