Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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