During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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